2013 - Shit That I Got Up To...part 1

It’s no secret I write a pretty decent email.  In fact, people have often commented “you should start a blog” after reading one of my emails.  The jury remains out on whether that was a good suggestion.  Nevertheless, one standout email (if I do say so myself) was when I penned an epic note to Legally Blonde on Christmas morning 2009, summing up my year.  She was away on exchange gallivanting around Europe and I (as always) was happy for a self-indulgent trip down memory lane.  And so, thanks to that very email and its insistent recipient, it is without further ado that I present:

2013 – a year in facebook statuses

January – a quick glance at my facebook for the first month of the year suggests that I was:

a) too busy doing grown-up stuff to spend time updating my status

b) no longer at uni and therefore less obsessed with facebook

c) not doing anything particularly interesting or worthy of a social media update

d) all of the above

The correct answer is D, as my statuses show I was up to some pretty boring non-uni-related grown-up stuff.  I moved in with DTM and finally farewelled The Bra, though my 2035 back tattoo will remain as a reminder of all the good times I had with Koby and all the other guys.  I’m sure Russell Crowe will mention my brief time there when they inevitably make a sequel to Bra Boys.  I for one cannot wait. 

“Refund of 2 months car insurance for changing address to somewhere less dodgy $-15
Mail redirection for 3 months $30
Not having to live in Maroubra any more PRICELESS “

Because moving house isn’t a stressful and time consuming thing, I decided to combine it with starting a new job.  Having farewelled my lovely (generally speaking) newsagency after 11 years at the end of 2012, it was time to actually put some of that uni stuff into practice and start earning back my $42000 uni debt.  After 2.5 weeks learning how to be a receptionist at my new company (and wondering if that might’ve been a better career move than optometrist) I joined my fellow grads for a week of induction before being unleashed onto the unsuspecting public on January 23/24.  The slash represents my confusion over which counts as my real first day – the day I saw 2 patients in the city with about a 3 hour gap between them or the day I had a whole bunch of patients booked in to see me in Brookvale.  I like to go with the latter so that we can claim The Hot One’s mum as my first patient but medicare might disagree since I billed them about $120 the previous day for my services.

“Keratoconus, migraines, broken fundus camera and a couple of Freshwaters - not too bad for a first day. “

February – a month where work was on my mind, but not too much that there wasn’t room for a Zoolander quote or a night out with The Hoff.

I’d like to say my lack of confidence in my therapeutics skills has all but gone now that a year has passed but that would be a filthy lie.  Finding out my patient had an optometric background was terrifying back then and would still terrify me today.  Heck, even finding out my patient was a gastroenterologist terrified me one day as I felt like even he knew a lot more about what was going on than I did.  It also made me even more self conscious of my tummy rumbles…I digress.

“That awkward moment when your patient is a retired optometrist and has come to you for your therapeutics expertise... “

After a month of working in Brookie I suppose I should’ve been touched by how comfortable my co-workers felt around me, but I couldn’t help feel a little offended the one (and only!) time I didn’t put concealer under my eyes.

“It's always a good start to the day when you're feeling fine and are greeted with "Hi, how are you? You look a bit sick"”

It’d be nice to think my Saturday afternoon film reference was drawing from an actual event and if I’m being completely honest, there’s a (slim) chance it was and I’ve just forgotten.  The more likely scenario however, is that I was just randomly and inexplicably quoting the genius that is Zoolander.

“I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I've had since I was a baby. “

A highlight of the month (and we all know that’s a big call given how much I love birthdays and mine happens to fall in this month) was without a doubt spending “An Evening with The Hoff” at Lizotte’s in Dee Why with DTM, The Hippy Engineer and one of The Patrollers.  The Patroller was a late fill in after M-Dizzle bought tickets before realising she’d still be in Melbourne for her work induction.  Yet again The Most-Evil-Corporate-Giant-In-The-Optometry-World was ruining our lives.  The Patroller had a great time, as did we all, marvelling at the amazing singing career of Mitch Buchanan.  There were girls dressed in their Baywatch best as he sang the theme song (along to, but not in time with, a backing tape), audience members pulled on stage to be serenaded, inside stories about why there was so much slow-mo used in the show (insufficient amount of footage not just for more boob bouncing) and some excited fans (DTM included) who got to shake hands with the legend himself.  The downside of course, was having The Hoff stuck in my head for days and days after.

“That awkward moment when you can't get David Hasselhoff's voice singing Rhinestone Cowboy out of your head.”

March – a concert and some telco problems make this month seem fairly uneventful on facebook – you’d be forgiven for thinking Legally Blonde, The Hot One and M-Dizzle didn’t all have birthdays this month within the space of 10 days.

My first status of the month was sent out from The Metro where DTM and I were taking in a gig by The Cat Empire.  I remember it all too well as I was feeling sick and the last thing in the world I wanted to do was stand up in a crowded room with a bunch of strangers and loud music.  What a lovely twist of fate that the concert should be on that very day and the tickets were general admission.

“Well hello hello”

After trying to unsuccessfully renew my mobile data on my ipad, I was informed by Kogan Mobile that my account had been suspended and it has “something to do with your service usage as indicated to our ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY which you have agreed on.”  This was just one of many emails constructed in poor English from the Kogan Mobile staff as I tried to work out why they would take my money and not give me any data.  I tried to call and after repeatedly being cut off after 10 minutes of hold music, one day, after 80+ minutes of holding, I finally got through.  This proved no more helpful but eventually, with the help of The Telecommunications Ombudsman I got my $9.99 refund.

“Kogan Mobile - you make me want to smash my head against a brick wall...repeatedly.”

Apparently my year was so riveting that there’s too much to write about in one sitting.  This could be related to my ongoing Cotton Eyed Joe back injury which prevents me from sitting down for long periods at a time.  Well that’s not completely true.  If I listened to The Williams Sisters’ Ex Physio I would never sit down for more than 15 minutes at a time…obviously this isn’t the case but I do occasionally get a sharp pain up my spine if I haven’t stood up in a while.  The point of all this is?  I think my 2013 summary is getting split into quarters and so this wraps up part 1.