I recently stumbled across an article (which I promptly
forwarded on to DTM) listing 15 reasons to date an optometrist. I was a little proud and chuffed but it got
me thinking, hang on, this gig isn’t really as rosy as you make it up to
be. Never one to miss an opportunity for
a whinge, I compiled my own list of 15 reasons…though this time it’s reasons to
not be an optometrist.
1. You will find yourself diagnosing eye conditions all the
time – the guy in The Mentalist has
nystagmus, your auto electrician has blepharitis, the guy on the bus has dry
eye, that chick in Oblivion has
either got dilating drops or contact lenses in because her pupils are
unnaturally large – you can’t concentrate on what any of these people are
saying or doing because you just want to deal with their eye issues which are
clearly bothering you, more than they’re bothering them.
2. Your jewellery will become tarnished at an alarmingly
quick speed before you realise that those alcohol wipes you use to sterilise
equipment between every patient, apparently aren’t great for your sterling
silver rings.
3. You will feel the need to be constantly responsible –
gone are the days of turning up to work hungover, suddenly you’re doing
something important and people are relying on you to bring your A game. Yawn.
4. You’ll spend over $2500 every year just to keep yourself
registered and remain a member of the Optometrists Association.
5. You will spend your day repeatedly asking people "which is
better 1 or 2?” and having to deal with a variety of answers to that question
including “yes” “no” “worse” ”go back” “the other one” and on the rare
occasions they answer “1” or “2” they probably have only seen option 1 and are
answering too soon.
6. Despite your multiple degrees and many years of study,
patients will assume they know better and will selectively tell you which
medications they’re on as “surely that doesn’t affect my eyes”.
7. You’ll start to develop weird dry patches on your hands
as a result of excessively frequent (but unfortunately necessary) hand washing.
8. You will work Saturdays.
You may even work Sundays and public holidays if you’re really
unlucky. People will expect you to be at
work when they aren’t so that it’s convenient for them to come and see you at
their leisure. When you aren’t available
it seems outrageous to them that you would dare try and hold down some vaguely
normal work hours and have some time to spend with your partner, friends and family.
9. You will see some disgusting things and more concerning
you will see people with these disgusting things in their eyes and not a care
in the world for how serious it is.
There’s a fine line between making the patient take you (and their eye
problem) seriously and inadvertently making them think they’re going blind.
10. You may not physically take your work home with you, but you will
second guess yourself and worry that maybe you missed something. You’ll go home and replay signs and symptoms
and hope to God that you got it right and that you haven’t sent home a patient
who needed urgent medical attention.
While primarily worried about the patient, there’ll also be a niggling
concern that you may be sued (enter Legally Blonde).
11. You’ll spend full Sundays attending conferences and
seminars to reach your CPD requirements and you’ll get to spend a few hundred
dollars for the joy of doing so.
12. You will spend your day in a dark little room with no
windows and the lights constantly dimmed.
In winter, you’ll get there not long after the sun has come up and
you’ll leave as it’s going down. Your
vitamin D levels will take a serious beating and you’ll start to forget what
sunshine and natural light even look like.
13. You will spend 5 long hard years and $42 000 studying so
that you can answer people who wonder if it’s a TAFE course you did and assume
that it can’t have been more than 3 years you spent studying.
14. You will stop conversations when people ask what you
do. It won't be intentional, it's just that no one knows quite how to respond when you tell them you're an optometrist. The usual reaction is either “pardon?” “oh” or some bad eye or sight related joke
like “I didn’t see that coming” inevitably followed up with “get it?”
15. In your first year of uni you will hear what a great
career you’ve chosen and the salary possibilities and will think you’re
absolutely set, until a reality check in 5th year will see those
same people return to tell you that actually you may be entering the only career
whose salary is likely to go down in the coming years.
I'm sure I could go on but hey, if eharmony can't come up with more than 15 reasons why you should date me, then I'm not gonna come up with more than 15 reasons why you shouldn't.
